Something happened to me a few days ago that really made me think about the importance of living. While I say living, I mean capturing, enjoying and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially significant throughout your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me personally. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and calm. But, when 7am came about, it was time to start making lunches, getting the children ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It is kind of like the gun goes off at that time and the race starts.
Once I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also decided to drop off a check to someone there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running into the exercise room where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 women who were going to start a fitness class.
I go flying in the air and land on a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking if I needed them to call an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I am a bit shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was really searching for me, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The whole experience made me realize just how in a hurry I am every second of every day. Like so many women I know, we are all trying to handle work, kids, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to do something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last weeklong holiday I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge watching.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
I find that hurrying through life happens when folks are going through a divorce, too. Men and women that are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to talk to their attorney, rushing to tell their friends things their ex did, rushing to look at attorney motions and judgements and mails and charges. Rushing because it’s their world and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your whole life. It can make you feel as nothing else is going on–only your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to talk about are some ways to really enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it’s important to discover and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that yummy cup of java you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mother, or perhaps you appeared at the sky and it looked really really pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–that call you got from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever thought, or putting in your favorite pair of jeans and they’re quite snug, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it is only temporary), consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I guarantee you will find millions of things like this. Let yourself see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months back, I began a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my afternoon focusing on the advantages, instead of the pressures that will come as the day continues.
It is funny. Last night, my daughter was watching the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
“Life moves pretty quickly. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” says Matthew Broderick at the start and at the conclusion of the film. Actually, that whole movie is about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer. I would highly recommend this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I know your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without crying. I know you’re resentful and considering the past and about how all of your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces take several months to a couple years. Do you wish to spend that time living your divorce or living your life? The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.