Something happened to me a couple of days back that actually made me consider the importance of living. When I say alive, I mean capturing, loving and appreciating moments versus hurrying through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially significant throughout your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me. However, when 7am came about, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the kids ready for college, doing dishes, cleaning the home, etc.. It is kind of like the gun goes off at that time and the race starts.
After I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. I also decided to drop off a check to someone there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running into the exercise area where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 women who were going to start a fitness class.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of women asking if I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I am a little shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it was not worse. He was really searching for me personally, and that I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me understand how in a hurry I am every second of every day. Like so many women I know, we are all trying to manage work, kids, our house, errands, a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves. That’s a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still quite long.
I discover that hurrying through life occurs when folks are going through a divorce, too. Men and women who are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to speak with their attorney, hurrying to tell their friends stuff their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and charges. Rushing because it’s their world and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are a few ways to really enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your child’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of java you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a really great talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up in the sky and it looked really very pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–that call you obtained from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you believed, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he is it’s only temporary), consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you grateful for? I guarantee there are millions of things such as this. Let yourself see them and love them.
Approximately six months back, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I talk to God about what I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my day focusing on the positives, rather than the pressures that will come as the day goes on.
It is funny. Yesterday evening, my daughter was seeing the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the end of the film. In fact, that entire movie is about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer you. I would highly recommend this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can not get through a day without crying. But average divorces require a few months to a couple years. Do you wish to spend that time living your divorce or living your own life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.