Something happened to me a few days ago that actually made me consider the significance of living. When I say living, I mean shooting, loving and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is particularly significant during your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and calm. But, when 7am came around, it was time to start making lunches, getting the children ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the home, etc.. It’s kind of like the gun goes off at that time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the children at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop a check off to someone there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running into the exercise room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were going to begin a fitness course. Embarrassing as hell, but that has been the least of my worries.
I go flying in the air and land on a hard, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking if I wanted them to call an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my body aches somewhat and I’m a little shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly searching for me, and that I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me understand how in a hurry I’m every minute of every day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to manage work, children, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the couch all day? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
I discover that rushing through life occurs when folks are going through a divorce, too. Men and women that are experiencing shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to speak with their lawyer, hurrying to inform their friends stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it’s their universe and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your whole life. It can cause you to feel like nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to share are some ways to really enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Each and every day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of java you loved this morning, possibly a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a really nice talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up at the sky and it looked really very pretty. These are all gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–that call you got from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you thought, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they’re really comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he isn’t and if he is it’s only temporary), consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I promise you will find countless things such as this. Let yourself see them and love them.
Approximately six months ago, I started a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about what I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to start my afternoon focusing on the advantages, rather than the stresses that will come as the day goes on.
It’s funny. Yesterday evening, my daughter was watching the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer. I would highly recommend this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I know your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without yelling. But average divorces take several months to a few years. The choice is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Oh, and she’s divorced.