Something occurred to me a few days back that actually made me consider the importance of living. When I say living, I mean capturing, loving and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like most of us do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially significant throughout your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me personally. It is sort of like the gun goes off in that time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. I also made a decision to drop a check off to someone there–figured I’d get that job off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 girls who were about to start a fitness class. Embarrassing as hell, but that has been the least of my concerns.
I go flying in the air and land onto a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking when I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my body aches a bit and I am a little shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was really looking out for me, and I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The whole experience made me understand just how in a hurry I am every minute of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all attempting to manage work, kids, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the sofa all day? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for its TV binge watching.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
I discover that rushing through life occurs when folks are going through a divorce, too. Men and women that are experiencing shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to make their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to speak with their lawyer, hurrying to inform their friends stuff their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it’s their universe and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can consume you. It can make you feel as nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are a few ways to actually enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of java you loved this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a really great talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up in the sky and it looked really very pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much on their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–which call you obtained from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you thought, or putting on your favorite pair of jeans and they’re quite snug, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it’s only temporary), then try focusing on the great. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I guarantee you will find millions of items such as this. Let yourself see them and appreciate them.
About six months ago, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my day focusing on the advantages, instead of the stresses that will come as the day goes on.
It is funny.
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick at the start and at the conclusion of the movie. Actually, that entire movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you.
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can not get through a day without yelling. I understand you are resentful and considering the past and about how all of your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces take a few months to a few decades. The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Oh, and she is divorced.