Something happened to me a couple of days ago that actually made me think about the importance of living. When I say alive, I mean shooting, loving and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like most of us do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially important throughout your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me personally. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and peaceful. It’s kind of like the rifle goes off in that time and the race starts.
After I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop a check off to someone there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were about to begin a fitness class. Embarrassing as hell, but that was the least of my worries.
I go flying into the atmosphere and land on a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking when I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my body aches somewhat and I am a bit shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly looking out for me personally, and I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me understand how in a hurry I am every minute of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all trying to manage work, kids, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to do something for ourselves. That’s a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still quite long.
Women and men who are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to talk to their attorney, rushing to inform their friends things their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it is their universe and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your whole life. It can make you feel as nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are some strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of coffee you loved this morning, possibly a cute man noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up at the sky and it seemed really very pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–which call you obtained from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more in your credit card than you ever believed, or putting in your favorite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it’s only temporary), then consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you grateful for? What do you have that you appreciate? I promise there are millions of things such as this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
About six months back, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to start my afternoon focusing on the positives, rather than the pressures that will come as the day goes on.
It is funny.
If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the end of the film. Actually, that whole movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you. I would strongly suggest this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without yelling. I understand you are resentful and thinking about the past and about how all your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces take a few months to a couple years. Would you wish to invest that time living your divorce or living your own life? The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.