Something happened to me a few days ago that actually made me consider the importance of living. While I say living, I mean shooting, enjoying and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant during your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me personally. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and calm. However, when 7am came about, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the kids ready for college, doing dishes, cleaning the home, etc.. It is kind of like the rifle goes off in that time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the children at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also made a decision to drop off a check to someone there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were about to start a fitness class. Embarrassing as hell, but that was the least of my worries.
I go flying into the atmosphere and land on a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking when I needed them to call an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are seriously bruised, my body aches a bit and I’m a little shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was truly searching for me, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me realize just how in a hurry I am every second of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to manage work, children, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the sofa all day? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I’m in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still very long.
I find that rushing through life happens when folks are going through a divorce, too. Men and women who are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to earn their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to talk to their lawyer, rushing to tell their friends stuff their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it is their universe and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your whole life. It can consume you. It can make you feel as nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your kids’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to share are a few strategies to really enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Every single day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments that are meaningful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of coffee you loved this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a very great talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up at the sky and it looked really really pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–which call you got from the attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you believed, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he is it’s only temporary), then consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you appreciate? I promise there are countless things like this. Let’s see them and love them.
Approximately six months back, I began a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my day focusing on the positives, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon goes on.
It’s funny. Last night, my daughter was watching the movie, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick at the beginning and at the conclusion of the film. Actually, that whole movie is about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer.
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can not get through a day without yelling. I know you’re resentful and considering the past and about how all your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces take a few months to a few years. Would you want to spend that time living your divorce or living your own life? The option is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Pilossoph lives with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.