Something happened to me a couple of days ago that really made me consider the importance of living. When I say living, I mean shooting, loving and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially important throughout your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me personally. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and peaceful. It’s kind of like the gun goes off at the time and the race starts.
Once I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop off a check to somebody there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running to the exercise area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 girls who were going to begin a fitness course.
I go flying into the air and land on a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I looked up, I was surrounded by a group of women asking if I needed them to call an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my body aches a bit and I’m a bit shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it was not worse. He was truly searching for me, and I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me understand just how in a hurry I’m every second of every day. Like so many women I know, we are all attempting to manage work, children, our house, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I’m in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still very long.
I find that hurrying through life occurs when people are going through a divorce, too. Women and men that are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to talk to their attorney, rushing to inform their friends stuff their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and fees. Rushing because it is their universe and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can consume you. It can make you feel as nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your children’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to share are some strategies to really enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of java you loved this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really nice talk with your mother, or maybe you appeared in the sky and it seemed really really pretty. These are all gifts that individuals who have so much on their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–that call you got from the attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more on your credit card than you ever believed, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or even how pissed you are that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he is it’s only temporary), try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you grateful for? What do you have that you love? I guarantee there are millions of things such as this. Let yourself see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months ago, I started a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my day focusing on the advantages, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon continues.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the conclusion of the film. In fact, that whole movie is about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer. I would strongly recommend this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I know you can’t get through a day without crying. I know you are resentful and considering the past and about how all of your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But average divorces take a few months to a few years. Do you wish to spend that time living your divorce or living your life? The option is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. The writer of her books, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationship column, Love Basically, printed in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Oh, and she is divorced.