Something happened to me a few days ago that actually made me consider the significance of living. When I say alive, I mean capturing, loving and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant during your divorce.
Here is what happened to me personally. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and calm. It is sort of like the gun goes off in that time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also decided to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were about to start a fitness course.
I go flying in the air and land on a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of women asking when I needed them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I’m a little shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly searching for me personally, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me realize just how in a hurry I’m every minute of every day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to handle work, children, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the last weeklong holiday I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
I find that rushing through life happens when folks are going through a divorce, too. Women and men that are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to make their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to talk to their lawyer, hurrying to inform their buddies stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and fees. Rushing because it’s their universe and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–only your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to share are some ways to really enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of coffee you loved this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a very nice talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up in the sky and it seemed really really pretty. These are all gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–which call you obtained from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more on your credit card than you ever believed, or putting on your favorite pair of jeans and they are really comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he is it’s only temporary), then consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I promise there are millions of items like this. Let yourself see them and love them.
Approximately six months ago, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my day focusing on the positives, rather than the pressures that will come as the day goes on.
It is funny.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is all about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer you. I would highly recommend this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I know your divorce is dreadful. I know you can’t get through a day without yelling. I understand you’re resentful and thinking about the past and about how all of your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But average divorces require a few months to a couple decades. Would you wish to invest that time living your divorce or living your life? The option is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Oh, and she’s divorced.