Something happened to me a few days back that actually made me consider the significance of living. When I say living, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is particularly significant throughout your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me personally. However, when 7am came around, it was time to start making lunches, getting the children ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the home, etc.. It is sort of like the rifle goes off in that time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I’d get that job off my list. While practically running into the exercise area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were about to begin a fitness class.
I go flying in the air and land on a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking when I wanted them to call an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I am a little shaky still, however all in all, I must thank God that it was not worse. He was really looking out for me personally, and I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me realize just how in a hurry I am every minute of every day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to manage work, kids, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves. That’s a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the last weeklong holiday I took? Probably more than a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I’m in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still very long.
I find that rushing through life happens when folks are going through a divorce, too. Men and women that are experiencing shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to speak with their attorney, hurrying to tell their buddies things their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it is their world and it is their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can consume you. It can make you feel like nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I wish to share are a few strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Each and every day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments that are meaningful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that yummy cup of java you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a very nice talk with your mom, or maybe you looked up in the sky and it looked really really pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much in their mind occasionally ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–which call you obtained from your attorney, or finding out you owe a whole lot more in your credit card than you ever thought, or putting in your favorite pair of jeans and they are quite snug, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he is it’s only temporary), try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I promise you will find countless things such as this. Let’s see them and love them.
Approximately six months ago, I began a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my afternoon focusing on the positives, rather than the stresses that will come as the afternoon goes on.
It’s funny. Yesterday evening, my daughter was watching the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you.
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can not get through a day without crying. But average divorces require a few months to a few years. Would you wish to spend that time living your divorce or living your life? The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.