Something happened to me a few days ago that really made me think about the importance of living. While I say alive, I mean shooting, loving and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like most of us do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is particularly significant throughout your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me. However, when 7am came about, it was time to start making lunches, getting the kids ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the home, etc.. It’s kind of like the rifle goes off in the time and the race starts.
Once I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. Additionally, I decided to drop off a check to someone there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were going to start a fitness class. Embarrassing as hell, but that was the least of my worries.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a hard, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I was surrounded by a group of women asking if I needed them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I’m a bit shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was really looking out for me personally, and that I think giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The whole experience made me understand how in a hurry I’m every second of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to manage work, kids, our house, errands, a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to do something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Probably more than a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
Women and men who are experiencing shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to talk to their lawyer, rushing to inform their buddies stuff their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it’s their universe and it is their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can make you feel like nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to share are some strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of java you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a really great talk with your mom, or maybe you looked up at the sky and it seemed really really pretty. All of these are gifts that individuals who have so much on their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–that call you got from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more in your credit card than you ever thought, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are really snug, or even how pissed you are that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it is only temporary), then consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I promise you will find countless items like this. Let yourself see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months back, I started a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, before I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my afternoon focusing on the positives, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon continues.
It is funny.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the movie. Actually, that entire movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer.
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I understand you can’t get through a day without yelling. I understand you are resentful and thinking about the past and about how all of your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But average divorces require several months to a couple decades. Do you want to spend that time living your divorce or living your life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
The writer of her novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and dating column, Love Essentially, printed in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Pilossoph lives with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.