Something happened to me a few days back that actually made me consider the significance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like most of us do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially important during your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me personally. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and calm. However, when 7am came about, it was time to start making lunches, getting the children ready for college, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It’s sort of like the rifle goes off in the time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also decided to drop off a check to someone there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running into the exercise room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were going to begin a fitness class.
I go flying into the air and land on a hard, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking when I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I’m a bit shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly searching for me personally, and I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me understand just how in a hurry I am every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to manage work, kids, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to do something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last weeklong holiday I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I’m in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
Men and women who are experiencing shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to make their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to talk to their attorney, hurrying to inform their buddies things their ex did, rushing to look at attorney motions and judgements and mails and charges. Rushing because it’s their world and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel like nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to share are some ways to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of java you loved this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a really nice talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up at the sky and it looked really really pretty. All of these are gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind occasionally ignore. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–which call you obtained from your attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you believed, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they are really comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it’s only temporary), then consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I promise you will find millions of items like this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months ago, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my day focusing on the positives, rather than the stresses that will come as the afternoon continues.
It is funny. Last night, my daughter was seeing the movie, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the start and at the end of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is all about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer. I would strongly recommend this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I understand you can’t get through a day without crying. But typical divorces require several months to a few decades. The choice is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph lives with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.