Something happened to me a couple of days back that actually made me think about the importance of living. While I say living, I mean capturing, loving and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like most of us do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant throughout your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and peaceful. But, when 7am came about, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the kids ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It’s sort of like the gun goes off at the time and the race begins.
After I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 women who were about to begin a fitness course. Embarrassing as hell, but that was the least of my worries.
I go flying into the atmosphere and land onto a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking when I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my body aches somewhat and I’m a little shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was truly searching for me personally, and I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me realize just how in a hurry I am every second of every day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to handle work, kids, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the sofa all day? When was the last weeklong holiday I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I’m in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still very long.
Women and men who are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to make their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to talk to their lawyer, rushing to inform their friends stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and fees. Rushing because it’s their world and it is their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your whole life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel like nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your kids’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to share are some ways to really enjoy life. My advice goes to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of java you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a very nice talk with your mom, or maybe you appeared at the sky and it seemed really really pretty. These are all gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–that call you obtained from your attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever thought, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they’re quite comfortable, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he isn’t and if he’s it’s only temporary), consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I promise there are countless items such as this. Let yourself see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months ago, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my afternoon focusing on the advantages, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon goes on.
It’s funny. Yesterday evening, my daughter was seeing the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
“Life moves pretty fast. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick at the start and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer you. I would highly suggest this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can not get through a day without crying. But typical divorces take several months to a few decades. Would you want to invest that time living your divorce or living your life? The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.