Something happened to me a few days back that actually made me consider the significance of living. When I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like most of us do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially important during your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me personally. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and calm. It’s sort of like the gun goes off in the time and the race begins.
After I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were going to start a fitness course.
I go flying into the air and land onto a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I was surrounded by a group of women asking when I needed them to call an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my body aches a bit and I am a little shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly looking out for me personally, and I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me understand how in a hurry I am every second of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to handle work, children, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we might have some free time to do something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last weeklong holiday I took? Probably more than a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I’m in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still quite long.
Women and men who are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to earn their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to speak with their attorney, rushing to inform their buddies things their ex did, rushing to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it’s their world and it is their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your whole life. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to talk about are some strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments that are meaningful. Perhaps it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that yummy cup of coffee you loved this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really nice talk with your mom, or perhaps you appeared at the sky and it looked really really pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–that call you obtained from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you believed, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are really comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he isn’t and if he’s it is only temporary), then consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I promise you will find countless things like this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months back, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my day focusing on the advantages, rather than the stresses that will come as the afternoon continues.
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that entire movie is about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer.
In closure, I know your divorce is horrible. I understand you can not get through a day without yelling. But typical divorces require several months to a couple decades. Would you want to invest that time living your divorce or living your own life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.