Something happened to me a couple of days ago that actually made me think about the importance of living. When I say living, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is particularly significant during your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and calm. It’s kind of like the gun goes off at the time and the race starts.
After I dropped off the children at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also made a decision to drop a check off to someone there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running into the exercise area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were about to begin a fitness class.
I go flying into the atmosphere and land onto a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking if I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I’m a bit shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly looking out for me personally, and I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me understand how in a hurry I’m every second of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all trying to manage work, children, our house, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we might have some free time to do something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Probably more than a decade and a half–except for its TV binge watching.
I’m in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still very long.
Women and men who are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to speak with their attorney, hurrying to tell their buddies stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it is their world and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are a few ways to really enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that yummy cup of coffee you loved this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a really great talk with your mother, or perhaps you appeared in the sky and it seemed really really pretty. All of these are gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind occasionally ignore. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–that call you obtained from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you ever thought, or putting on your favorite pair of jeans and they’re really snug, or even how pissed you are that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it is only temporary), then consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you grateful for? I promise there are millions of items such as this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
About six months ago, I started a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my day focusing on the advantages, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon continues.
“Life moves pretty quickly. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the end of the movie. In fact, that entire movie is about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer you. I would strongly suggest this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I know your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can not get through a day without crying. I understand you’re resentful and thinking about the past and about how all of your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces take several months to a couple decades. Do you wish to spend that time living your divorce or living your life? The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
The author of her novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly relationship and relationship column, Love Basically, printed in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Pilossoph lives with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.