Something occurred to me a few days back that really made me think about the importance of living. When I say alive, I mean shooting, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially important during your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me. It is kind of like the gun goes off in the time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the children at their colleges, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. I also made a decision to drop off a check to somebody there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running into the exercise area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were going to start a fitness class.
I go flying in the air and land on a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I was surrounded by a group of women asking if I needed them to call an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my body aches somewhat and I am a little shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was really looking out for me personally, and that I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me understand how in a hurry I’m every second of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all trying to manage work, kids, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the sofa all day? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still very long.
I find that rushing through life happens when folks are going through a divorce, too. Men and women who are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to earn their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to talk to their attorney, hurrying to tell their friends things their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it’s their universe and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can make you feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to share are some strategies to really enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of java you loved this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a very great talk with your mother, or perhaps you appeared in the sky and it looked really very pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–which call you obtained from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more on your credit card than you believed, or putting on your favorite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he is it’s only temporary), try focusing on the great. What went RIGHT now? What are you grateful for? I guarantee you will find millions of items like this. Let’s see them and love them.
Approximately six months ago, I started a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, before I get out of bed, I talk to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to start my day focusing on the advantages, rather than the stresses that will come as the day continues.
It is funny. Yesterday evening, my daughter was seeing the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” says Matthew Broderick at the start and at the end of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer.
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I understand you can not get through a day without yelling. But typical divorces take a few months to a few years. The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Oh, and she is divorced.