Something happened to me a few days ago that actually made me consider the importance of living. While I say alive, I mean shooting, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially significant during your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and calm. It’s sort of like the gun goes off in that time and the race begins.
After I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. I also decided to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running into the exercise area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 women who were going to begin a fitness course. Embarrassing as hell, but that has been the least of my worries.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking when I wanted them to call an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I am a little shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was really searching for me personally, and I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me realize just how in a hurry I am every minute of every day. Like so many women I know, we are all attempting to manage work, children, our house, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the sofa all day? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Probably more than a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I’m in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still very long.
I find that hurrying through life occurs when people are going through a divorce, too. Men and women that are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to speak with their lawyer, hurrying to tell their buddies things their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it is their universe and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–only your broken heart, your kids’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to share are some strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to folks like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. Here it is.
Every single day, it’s important to discover and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mother, or maybe you appeared at the sky and it seemed really very pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much on their mind occasionally ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–which call you got from the attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more on your credit card than you ever believed, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it is only temporary), then try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I guarantee you will find millions of things like this. Let yourself see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months back, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to start my day focusing on the positives, instead of the pressures that will come as the afternoon goes on.
It’s funny. Yesterday evening, my daughter was watching the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the end of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you. I would highly recommend this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I understand you can not get through a day without crying. But average divorces require several months to a few years. Do you want to spend that time living your divorce or living your life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
The writer of her novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationship column, Love Essentially, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.