Something occurred to me a couple of days ago that actually made me think about the significance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially important during your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me personally. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and peaceful. It is kind of like the rifle goes off at that time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. I also decided to drop a check off to someone there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running to the exercise room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were going to start a fitness class.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I was surrounded by a group of women asking when I needed them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I’m a little shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly searching for me, and that I think giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me understand just how in a hurry I’m every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to handle work, kids, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the couch all day? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge watching.
I’m in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still quite long.
I discover that rushing through life occurs when people are going through a divorce, too. Men and women who are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to earn their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to speak with their attorney, rushing to tell their friends stuff their ex did, rushing to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it is their world and it is their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can make you feel like nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your children’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I wish to share are a few strategies to really enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Each and every day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, perhaps you had a really nice talk with your mom, or maybe you appeared in the sky and it seemed really very pretty. These are all gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind occasionally ignore. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–that call you got from the attorney, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you thought, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they’re quite snug, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he isn’t and if he’s it’s only temporary), consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you grateful for? What do you have that you appreciate? I guarantee you will find countless items like this. Let’s see them and love them.
Approximately six months ago, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my day focusing on the advantages, rather than the stresses that will come as the afternoon continues.
It is funny.
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the end of the movie. Actually, that entire movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer.
In closing, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I know you can not get through a day without yelling. But average divorces require a few months to a few decades. The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Oh, and she is divorced.