Something occurred to me a few days back that actually made me think about the importance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and appreciating moments versus hurrying through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially important throughout your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me personally. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and peaceful. It is sort of like the gun goes off at that time and the race starts.
After I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. Additionally, I decided to drop off a check to somebody there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running to the exercise room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 girls who were about to begin a fitness class. Embarrassing as hell, but that has been the least of my worries.
I go flying into the air and land onto a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of women asking when I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are seriously bruised, my body aches somewhat and I’m a bit shaky still, however all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was really searching for me, and I think giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The whole experience made me understand how in a hurry I’m every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to manage work, children, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the bathtub? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still very long.
I discover that rushing through life happens when people are going through a divorce, too. Men and women who are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to talk to their lawyer, hurrying to inform their friends stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it’s their universe and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel like nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to share are a few strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it’s important to discover and acknowledge moments that are meaningful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of java you loved this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a really nice talk with your mother, or maybe you looked up at the sky and it looked really really pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much on their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Rather than focusing on what exactly went wrong–which call you obtained from your attorney, or finding out you owe a whole lot more in your credit card than you ever thought, or putting on your favorite pair of jeans and they are really comfortable, or even how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he is it is only temporary), try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you grateful for? What do you have that you appreciate? I promise you will find countless items like this. Let yourself see them and love them.
About six months back, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my day focusing on the advantages, instead of the stresses that will come as the afternoon goes on.
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick at the start and at the conclusion of the film. Actually, that whole movie is about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer.
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I understand you can not get through a day without crying. I know you are resentful and thinking about the past and about how all your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces take several months to a couple years. The option is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.