Something occurred to me a few days ago that actually made me think about the significance of living. While I say living, I mean capturing, enjoying and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially important during your divorce.
Here is what happened to me. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and peaceful. It’s kind of like the rifle goes off at the time and the race starts.
Once I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop off a check to somebody there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running to the workout room where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were going to start a fitness course. Embarrassing as hell, but that was the least of my worries.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking when I needed them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I am a little shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was really looking out for me personally, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me understand just how in a hurry I am every minute of every day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to manage work, children, our house, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves. That’s a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the sofa all day? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge watching.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
I find that hurrying through life occurs when people are going through a divorce, too. Women and men that are experiencing shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to make their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to speak with their attorney, hurrying to inform their buddies things their ex did, rushing to look at attorney motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it’s their world and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can cause you to feel like nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I wish to talk about are a few ways to actually enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Perhaps it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of coffee you loved this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a very great talk with your mom, or perhaps you appeared at the sky and it looked really really pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–that call you got from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more in your credit card than you ever believed, or putting in your favorite pair of jeans and they’re quite comfortable, or even how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he isn’t and if he is it’s only temporary), then try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I promise you will find countless things such as this. Let’s see them and love them.
Approximately six months ago, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my afternoon focusing on the advantages, instead of the stresses that will come as the day continues.
It is funny. Last night, my daughter was watching the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
“Life moves pretty quickly. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the film. In fact, that whole movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you. I would highly suggest this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can’t get through a day without crying. But typical divorces require several months to a couple decades. The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.