Something occurred to me a couple of days back that actually made me consider the importance of living. When I say living, I mean shooting, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is particularly important throughout your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me personally. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and peaceful. However, when 7am came around, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the kids ready for college, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It is kind of like the rifle goes off at the time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop off a check to someone there–figured I’d get that job off my list. While practically running into the workout room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 girls who were about to start a fitness course. Embarrassing as hell, but this was the least of my concerns.
I go flying into the air and land on a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking when I wanted them to call an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I’m a little shaky still, however all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was really searching for me, and I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me realize just how in a hurry I’m every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to manage work, kids, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves. That’s a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the couch all day? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I’m in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
Men and women that are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to earn their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to talk to their lawyer, hurrying to inform their friends stuff their ex did, rushing to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and fees. Rushing because it’s their world and it is their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can consume you. It can make you feel like nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to share are a few strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of coffee you loved this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a very great talk with your mom, or maybe you looked up at the sky and it looked really very pretty. All of these are gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–which call you got from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you ever believed, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they are really comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he isn’t and if he’s it is only temporary), then consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I promise you will find millions of items like this. Let’s see them and love them.
About six months back, I started a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, before I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my day focusing on the advantages, rather than the stresses that will come as the day goes on.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you. I would highly recommend this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I know your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can not get through a day without yelling. I know you’re resentful and considering the past and about how all your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But average divorces require a few months to a few years. The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Pilossoph lives with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.