Something occurred to me a couple of days ago that actually made me think about the significance of living. While I say living, I mean capturing, enjoying and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is particularly significant during your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me. It is kind of like the rifle goes off in the time and the race begins.
After I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also decided to drop a check off to someone there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 women who were about to start a fitness class.
I go flying in the air and land onto a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking if I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I’m a bit shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was truly looking out for me, and I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The whole experience made me understand just how in a hurry I am every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to manage work, children, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the couch all day? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I’m in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
I discover that hurrying through life occurs when people are going through a divorce, too. Men and women that are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their entire world. They are hurrying to speak with their lawyer, hurrying to tell their friends stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it’s their world and it is their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can cause you to feel like nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to share are a few strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Perhaps it’s your child’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of coffee you loved this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up in the sky and it seemed really very pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much on their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–which call you obtained from your attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever thought, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or even how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he isn’t and if he is it is only temporary), then try focusing on the great. What went RIGHT today? What are you grateful for? What do you have that you appreciate? I promise you will find millions of things such as this. Let yourself see them and love them.
Approximately six months ago, I began a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my afternoon focusing on the advantages, instead of the stresses that will come as the day continues.
It’s funny. Last night, my daughter was seeing the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick at the beginning and at the end of the movie. In fact, that entire movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer. I would strongly suggest this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without crying. But typical divorces require a few months to a couple decades. Would you wish to spend that time living your divorce or living your own life? The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. The author of her novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly relationship and dating column, Love Basically, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.