Something happened to me a few days back that actually made me think about the significance of living. When I say living, I mean capturing, loving and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is particularly significant throughout your divorce.
Here is what happened to me personally. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and peaceful. But, when 7am came around, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the children ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It is sort of like the rifle goes off at the time and the race starts.
Once I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. I also decided to drop off a check to someone there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running to the exercise room where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were going to start a fitness class.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking when I needed them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are seriously bruised, my body aches a bit and I’m a little shaky still, however all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly searching for me, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me realize just how in a hurry I’m every minute of every day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to manage work, children, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves. That’s a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the bathtub? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still very long.
Men and women that are experiencing shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to earn their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to talk to their attorney, rushing to tell their friends stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and charges. Rushing because it is their world and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–only your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to talk about are a few strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. Here it is.
Every single day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a very nice talk with your mom, or perhaps you appeared in the sky and it looked really really pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–which call you obtained from the attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever thought, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they’re quite comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he isn’t and if he is it’s only temporary), then try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you grateful for? I guarantee you will find countless things such as this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months ago, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my day focusing on the positives, instead of the stresses that will come as the day goes on.
It is funny. Last night, my daughter was watching the movie, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
“Life moves pretty fast. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the end of the film. Actually, that entire movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you.
In closing, I know your divorce is horrible. I understand you can not get through a day without yelling. I know you are resentful and thinking about the past and about how all your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces take a few months to a couple years. The choice is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Oh, and she’s divorced.