Something occurred to me a couple of days ago that actually made me consider the importance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant throughout your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me personally. It is sort of like the gun goes off at the time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the children at their colleges, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also decided to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running to the exercise area where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were going to begin a fitness course.
I go flying into the atmosphere and land onto a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking when I needed them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my body aches a bit and I am a little shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it was not worse. He was truly looking out for me, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me realize how in a hurry I am every second of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to handle work, children, our house, errands, a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for its TV binge watching.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still very long.
I find that rushing through life occurs when folks are going through a divorce, too. Women and men who are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their entire world. They are hurrying to talk to their lawyer, rushing to inform their friends stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it is their universe and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your children’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to share are a few ways to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to folks like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it’s important to discover and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of coffee you loved this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a very nice talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up at the sky and it looked really very pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much on their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–that call you obtained from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you thought, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he isn’t and if he’s it is only temporary), then try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you grateful for? I promise there are countless things like this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months ago, I began a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to start my afternoon focusing on the positives, instead of the pressures that will come as the day goes on.
It is funny.
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the start and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that entire movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you. I would highly recommend this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without yelling. I understand you’re resentful and considering the past and about how all of your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But average divorces require a few months to a couple decades. The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.