Something happened to me a couple of days back that really made me consider the importance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially important throughout your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and calm. It is kind of like the rifle goes off at the time and the race begins.
After I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop a check off to someone there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running into the exercise area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were about to start a fitness class.
I go flying into the atmosphere and land on a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking when I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my body aches somewhat and I’m a bit shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly searching for me personally, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me realize just how in a hurry I’m every minute of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all attempting to manage work, children, our house, errands, a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves. That’s a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the couch all day? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I’m in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
I discover that rushing through life happens when people are going through a divorce, too. Women and men who are experiencing shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to make their divorce their entire world. They are hurrying to talk to their lawyer, rushing to inform their friends stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and fees. Rushing because it is their world and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are a few strategies to really enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Each and every day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really nice talk with your mother, or maybe you appeared at the sky and it seemed really very pretty. All of these are gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what exactly went wrong–which call you obtained from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more on your credit card than you thought, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they’re really comfortable, or even how pissed you are that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he is it is only temporary), then try focusing on the great. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I promise there are countless things like this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months back, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my day focusing on the positives, instead of the stresses that will come as the day continues.
It is funny.
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the end of the film. In fact, that entire movie is about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer you. I would strongly recommend this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I know you can’t get through a day without crying. I understand you’re resentful and thinking about the past and about how all of your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But average divorces take several months to a few decades. Do you wish to invest that time living your divorce or living your own life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Oh, and she’s divorced.