Something happened to me a couple of days ago that really made me consider the significance of living. When I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is particularly significant throughout your divorce.
Here is what happened to me personally. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and calm. It is kind of like the gun goes off in that time and the race starts.
Once I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running into the exercise room where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were going to start a fitness class. Embarrassing as hell, but this was the least of my concerns.
I go flying in the air and land onto a hard, gym floor on my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking if I needed them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I am a little shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it was not worse. He was really looking out for me, and I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me realize how in a hurry I am every second of every day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to handle work, children, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the couch all day? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Probably more than a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I’m in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still quite long.
I discover that rushing through life happens when people are going through a divorce, too. Men and women that are experiencing shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to make their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to talk to their attorney, hurrying to tell their buddies stuff their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it is their universe and it is their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can make you feel like nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to share are some strategies to really enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. Here it is.
Every single day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mom, or perhaps you appeared at the sky and it looked really really pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–that call you obtained from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever thought, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are really comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it is only temporary), try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I promise there are countless items like this. Let yourself see them and love them.
Approximately six months back, I began a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about what I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my afternoon focusing on the positives, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon continues.
It is funny.
If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the movie. Actually, that entire movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you. I would strongly recommend this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without crying. I understand you are resentful and considering the past and about how all of your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But average divorces require a few months to a couple decades. Do you want to spend that time living your divorce or living your life? The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
The writer of her books, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and dating column, Love Essentially, printed in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Oh, and she is divorced.