Something occurred to me a couple of days ago that actually made me think about the importance of living. While I say alive, I mean shooting, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially significant throughout your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and calm. It’s kind of like the gun goes off at that time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I decided to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running into the workout room where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were going to begin a fitness class.
I go flying in the air and land on a hard, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking if I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are seriously bruised, my body aches somewhat and I am a bit shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was really searching for me personally, and I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me realize how in a hurry I am every second of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to manage work, kids, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to do something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket listing is still very long.
I discover that hurrying through life happens when folks are going through a divorce, too. Women and men who are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to earn their divorce their entire world. They are hurrying to talk to their attorney, hurrying to inform their buddies things their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and mails and charges. Rushing because it’s their universe and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can make you feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to share are some strategies to really enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Every single day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of coffee you loved this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mother, or perhaps you looked up at the sky and it looked really really pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much on their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what exactly went wrong–which call you obtained from the attorney, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you thought, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are quite snug, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he isn’t and if he is it’s only temporary), then try focusing on the great. What went RIGHT now? What are you grateful for? What do you have that you appreciate? I guarantee you will find countless things such as this. Let yourself see them and love them.
Approximately six months back, I began a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my day focusing on the positives, instead of the pressures that will come as the day goes on.
“Life moves pretty quickly. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the start and at the conclusion of the film. Actually, that whole movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you.
In closing, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I know you can’t get through a day without crying. I know you’re resentful and considering the past and about how all your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But average divorces take several months to a couple years. Would you want to spend that time living your divorce or living your own life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Oh, and she’s divorced.