Something occurred to me a couple of days ago that really made me think about the significance of living. While I say alive, I mean shooting, loving and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially important throughout your divorce.
Here is what happened to me personally. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and calm. However, when 7am came around, it was time to start making lunches, getting the kids ready for college, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It’s kind of like the gun goes off at that time and the race starts.
After I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop off a check to someone there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 women who were going to start a fitness class.
I go flying into the air and land on a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I appeared, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking when I needed them to phone an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I’m a bit shaky still, however all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly looking out for me personally, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The whole experience made me realize just how in a hurry I am every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to handle work, kids, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the sofa all day? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
Women and men who are experiencing shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their entire world. They are hurrying to talk to their attorney, hurrying to inform their buddies stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and fees. Rushing because it’s their universe and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your whole life. It can cause you to feel like nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are some strategies to really enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it’s important to discover and acknowledge moments that are meaningful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of java you loved this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a really nice talk with your mother, or maybe you looked up at the sky and it seemed really really pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–that call you obtained from the attorney, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you thought, or putting in your favorite pair of jeans and they’re really snug, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it’s only temporary), then try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you grateful for? I guarantee there are millions of items like this. Let yourself see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months back, I started a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my day focusing on the advantages, rather than the stresses that will come as the day goes on.
It is funny. Yesterday evening, my daughter was seeing the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick at the beginning and at the end of the movie. Actually, that whole movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you.
In closing, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can not get through a day without yelling. I understand you’re resentful and thinking about the past and about how all of your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But average divorces take several months to a couple years. The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Pilossoph lives with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.