Divorce Tulsa Oklahoma

Something occurred to me a couple of days ago that really made me think about the importance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is particularly important during your divorce.
Here is what happened to me. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and calm. It’s sort of like the rifle goes off at the time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running to the exercise area where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were going to begin a fitness course. Embarrassing as hell, but that has been the least of my worries.
I go flying in the air and land onto a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I looked up, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking if I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I am a bit shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was really searching for me personally, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me understand just how in a hurry I am every minute of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all attempting to handle work, kids, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the couch all day? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still quite long.
I find that rushing through life happens when people are going through a divorce, too. Men and women that are experiencing shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to speak with their lawyer, hurrying to tell their friends stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and fees. Rushing because it is their universe and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your whole life. It can consume you. It can make you feel like nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your children’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are some strategies to really enjoy life. My advice goes to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mom, or maybe you looked up in the sky and it seemed really really pretty. All of these are gifts that individuals who have so much on their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what exactly went wrong–which call you obtained from your attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more on your credit card than you ever believed, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they’re quite comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he is it’s only temporary), then try focusing on the great. What went RIGHT today? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I promise there are millions of items such as this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months back, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, before I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to start my afternoon focusing on the advantages, instead of the stresses that will come as the afternoon continues.
It is funny.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” says Matthew Broderick at the start and at the end of the film. In fact, that entire movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you. I would strongly recommend this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without yelling. But average divorces take several months to a few years. Would you wish to spend that time living your divorce or living your own life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Oh, and she is divorced.
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