Something occurred to me a few days back that really made me consider the importance of living. While I say alive, I mean shooting, loving and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant throughout your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me. However, when 7am came about, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the children ready for college, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It is kind of like the gun goes off at the time and the race starts.
Once I dropped off the children at their colleges, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop off a check to someone there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running to the exercise room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were about to start a fitness class. Embarrassing as hell, but that has been the least of my concerns.
I go flying into the air and land onto a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I appeared, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking if I needed them to call an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I am a bit shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was really looking out for me, and that I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me realize how in a hurry I am every minute of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all attempting to handle work, kids, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Probably more than a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
I discover that hurrying through life occurs when folks are going through a divorce, too. Women and men that are experiencing shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to talk to their lawyer, rushing to inform their friends things their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it’s their world and it is their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are a few ways to really enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Each and every day, it’s important to discover and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of java you loved this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, perhaps you had a very great talk with your mom, or perhaps you appeared at the sky and it looked really very pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much on their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–which call you got from your attorney, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you ever believed, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are really comfortable, or even how pissed you are that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it’s only temporary), then consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you grateful for? What do you have that you love? I guarantee you will find countless things such as this. Let yourself see them and love them.
About six months ago, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my day focusing on the positives, instead of the pressures that will come as the day continues.
It’s funny. Last night, my daughter was watching the movie, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
“Life moves pretty quickly. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the conclusion of the film. Actually, that whole movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer.
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I understand you can not get through a day without crying. I know you’re resentful and thinking about the past and about how all your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But average divorces take several months to a couple years. Do you want to invest that time living your divorce or living your life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Oh, and she’s divorced.