Something happened to me a couple of days back that really made me think about the importance of living. When I say living, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like most of us do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant during your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me. But, when 7am came about, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the kids ready for college, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It is kind of like the rifle goes off at the time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. I also decided to drop off a check to someone there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running into the exercise room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 women who were going to start a fitness course.
I go flying in the air and land on a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking when I needed them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I’m a little shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it was not worse. He was truly searching for me, and I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me understand just how in a hurry I am every minute of every day. Like so many women I know, we are all attempting to handle work, kids, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves. That’s a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the couch all day? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
Men and women who are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to earn their divorce their entire world. They are hurrying to talk to their lawyer, rushing to tell their friends things their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and charges. Rushing because it is their universe and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your whole life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel like nothing else is going on–only your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I wish to talk about are a few ways to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to folks like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of java you loved this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, perhaps you had a very nice talk with your mom, or perhaps you appeared at the sky and it looked really really pretty. These are all gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–which call you got from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you ever thought, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they’re really comfortable, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he isn’t and if he is it is only temporary), consider focusing on the great. What went RIGHT today? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you appreciate? I guarantee there are countless items such as this. Let yourself see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months ago, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my day focusing on the advantages, instead of the pressures that will come as the day continues.
“Life moves pretty quickly. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the start and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer. I would strongly recommend this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I know your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can’t get through a day without yelling. But average divorces require a few months to a few decades. The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Oh, and she is divorced.