Something happened to me a couple of days back that really made me think about the significance of living. While I say alive, I mean shooting, loving and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially significant during your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and peaceful. However, when 7am came around, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the children ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the home, etc.. It is kind of like the gun goes off in the time and the race begins.
After I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also made a decision to drop a check off to someone there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running into the exercise room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 girls who were going to start a fitness course. Embarrassing as hell, but this has been the least of my concerns.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking if I wanted them to call an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my body aches somewhat and I am a bit shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly looking out for me, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me realize just how in a hurry I’m every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to manage work, children, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the couch all day? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still very long.
Women and men that are experiencing shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to make their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to speak with their attorney, hurrying to tell their buddies stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it’s their universe and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I wish to talk about are a few ways to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Every single day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments which are meaningful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a very great talk with your mom, or perhaps you appeared in the sky and it looked really very pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–that call you obtained from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you ever believed, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he isn’t and if he’s it is only temporary), then consider focusing on the great. What went RIGHT today? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I promise there are millions of things such as this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
About six months back, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my afternoon focusing on the positives, rather than the stresses that will come as the afternoon continues.
It is funny.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the end of the film. In fact, that whole movie is all about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer you. I would highly suggest this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can not get through a day without crying. But typical divorces require a few months to a few years. Would you wish to invest that time living your divorce or living your life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.