Something happened to me a couple of days ago that really made me think about the importance of living. While I say living, I mean shooting, loving and appreciating moments versus rushing through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant during your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me personally. I started my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and peaceful. It is kind of like the gun goes off in that time and the race starts.
After I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also decided to drop off a check to somebody there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running to the workout room where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were going to start a fitness class.
I go flying into the air and land onto a hard, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I appeared, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking when I wanted them to call an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are seriously bruised, my body aches somewhat and I’m a bit shaky still, however all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was really looking out for me, and I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me realize how in a hurry I’m every second of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all trying to handle work, kids, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves. That’s a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the last weeklong holiday I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I’m in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still quite long.
Men and women who are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to talk to their lawyer, hurrying to tell their buddies things their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it is their world and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I wish to share are a few strategies to really enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Each and every day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of java you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a very great talk with your mom, or maybe you appeared at the sky and it seemed really very pretty. These are all gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–that call you got from the attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever believed, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are really snug, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he is it is only temporary), consider focusing on the great. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I promise you will find millions of items like this. Let yourself see them and love them.
Approximately six months back, I started a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Every morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to start my afternoon focusing on the positives, rather than the stresses that will come as the afternoon goes on.
It is funny. Yesterday evening, my daughter was watching the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the film. In fact, that entire movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you.
In closing, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can not get through a day without yelling. But typical divorces require several months to a few decades. The option is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.