Something happened to me a couple of days ago that really made me consider the significance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like most of us do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant throughout your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me personally. But, when 7am came about, it was time to start making lunches, getting the children ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the home, etc.. It is sort of like the rifle goes off in the time and the race starts.
Once I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I decided to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I’d get that task off my list. While practically running into the workout area where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were going to start a fitness course.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking when I wanted them to call an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my body aches a bit and I’m a bit shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it was not worse. He was truly looking out for me, and I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me understand just how in a hurry I am every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to handle work, children, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for its TV binge watching.
I’m in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still quite long.
Men and women who are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their whole world. They are rushing to talk to their lawyer, rushing to inform their buddies stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it is their world and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can consume you. It can make you feel like nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to share are a few strategies to really enjoy life. My advice goes to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Every single day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments that are meaningful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a very great talk with your mom, or perhaps you appeared at the sky and it seemed really very pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much on their mind occasionally ignore. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–that call you got from your attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more on your credit card than you believed, or putting in your favourite pair of jeans and they are really snug, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he is it is only temporary), consider focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you thankful for? I guarantee there are countless items such as this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months back, I started a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about what I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my day focusing on the positives, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon continues.
It is funny.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick at the start and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that whole movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer. I would highly suggest this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I know your divorce is horrible. I understand you can not get through a day without yelling. I know you’re resentful and considering the past and about how all your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But average divorces take several months to a few decades. Do you want to spend that time living your divorce or living your own life? The option is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.