Something occurred to me a couple of days back that really made me think about the significance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, loving and appreciating moments versus hurrying through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially significant during your divorce.
Here is what occurred to me personally. It’s kind of like the gun goes off in that time and the race starts.
After I dropped off the kids at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running into the exercise area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 girls who were about to start a fitness class. Embarrassing as hell, but that was the least of my worries.
I go flying into the atmosphere and land on a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking when I needed them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I am a bit shaky still, however all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was really looking out for me, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me understand just how in a hurry I am every second of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to manage work, kids, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the sofa all day? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge watching.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still very long.
I find that rushing through life happens when people are going through a divorce, too. Women and men that are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their entire world. They are hurrying to talk to their lawyer, rushing to inform their buddies things their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and fees. Rushing because it is their world and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to share are a few ways to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. Here it is.
Every single day, it’s important to discover and acknowledge moments that are meaningful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute man noticed you, maybe you had a very nice talk with your mom, or maybe you appeared at the sky and it seemed really very pretty. All of these are gifts that individuals who have so much in their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–which call you obtained from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you believed, or putting on your favorite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or even how pissed you are that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he isn’t and if he’s it’s only temporary), then try focusing on the great. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I guarantee you will find millions of items like this. Let yourself see them and appreciate them.
Approximately six months back, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I speak to God about what I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my afternoon focusing on the advantages, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon continues.
It is funny. Last night, my daughter was seeing the movie, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
“Life moves pretty quickly. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the end of the movie. Actually, that entire movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you.
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I understand you can’t get through a day without crying. I know you are resentful and thinking about the past and about how all of your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But average divorces take a few months to a couple years. Do you wish to invest that time living your divorce or living your own life? The choice is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Oh, and she is divorced.