Something occurred to me a few days ago that actually made me think about the significance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, loving and appreciating moments versus hurrying through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is particularly important during your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me personally. It is kind of like the rifle goes off at the time and the race begins.
After I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also made a decision to drop a check off to someone there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running to the exercise room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 girls who were about to start a fitness class.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking when I needed them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my body aches a bit and I am a bit shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly looking out for me, and that I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The entire experience made me realize just how in a hurry I’m every second of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to handle work, children, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a fantastic life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still very long.
I find that rushing through life happens when people are going through a divorce, too. Men and women who are experiencing shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to earn their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to speak with their attorney, rushing to inform their buddies stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it’s their universe and it’s their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–only your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to share are some ways to really enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Each and every day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Maybe it’s your child’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mother, or perhaps you appeared at the sky and it seemed really really pretty. All of these are gifts that individuals who have so much on their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–that call you obtained from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever believed, or putting on your favorite pair of jeans and they’re really snug, or even how pissed you are that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he is it is only temporary), then consider focusing on the great. What went RIGHT today? What are you grateful for? What do you have that you love? I guarantee there are millions of things such as this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
About six months ago, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to start my afternoon focusing on the positives, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon goes on.
It’s funny. Last night, my daughter was watching the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the film. In fact, that entire movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer.
In closure, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without yelling. I know you’re resentful and considering the past and about how all your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces take a few months to a couple years. The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.