Something happened to me a couple of days ago that actually made me consider the significance of living. When I say alive, I mean shooting, loving and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially important during your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me personally. But, when 7am came about, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the kids ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the home, etc.. It’s sort of like the rifle goes off in that time and the race starts.
Once I dropped off the children at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I’d get that job off my list. While practically running into the exercise area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 women who were about to begin a fitness course. Embarrassing as hell, but that was the least of my concerns.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (especially my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking if I needed them to call an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I’m a bit shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly searching for me personally, and I believe giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me understand how in a hurry I am every minute of every day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to manage work, kids, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then perhaps, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the sofa all day? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still quite long.
I find that rushing through life occurs when people are going through a divorce, too. Men and women who are experiencing shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to earn their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to speak with their lawyer, hurrying to inform their buddies things their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and emails and fees. Rushing because it is their world and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are some ways to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to folks like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. Here it is.
Every single day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your child’s laugh, perhaps it’s that delicious cup of java you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mother, or maybe you looked up at the sky and it seemed really very pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Notice little things. Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–that call you obtained from the attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever believed, or putting on your favorite pair of jeans and they’re quite comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he isn’t and if he’s it’s only temporary), then try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you grateful for? What do you have that you appreciate? I guarantee you will find countless things such as this. Let’s see them and appreciate them.
About six months back, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about what I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my afternoon focusing on the advantages, rather than the pressures that will come as the afternoon continues.
It’s funny. Yesterday evening, my daughter was watching the movie, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
“Life moves pretty fast. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the film. In fact, that entire movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer. I would highly recommend this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closure, I know your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without crying. I know you’re resentful and considering the past and about how all of your ex wants to do is screw you financially. But average divorces require several months to a few years. The option is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. The writer of her books, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationship column, Love Basically, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Oh, and she is divorced.