Something occurred to me a couple of days back that really made me consider the importance of living. While I say alive, I mean shooting, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant throughout your divorce.
Here is what happened to me personally. It is sort of like the rifle goes off in the time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the children at their schools, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running to the workout room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were about to begin a fitness course.
I go flying into the air and land onto a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking if I needed them to call an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I’m a little shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was really searching for me personally, and I think giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me understand how in a hurry I’m every second of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all trying to handle work, kids, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the sofa all day? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for its TV binge viewing.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still quite long.
I find that hurrying through life happens when folks are going through a divorce, too. Men and women who are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to make their divorce their entire world. They are rushing to talk to their lawyer, hurrying to inform their buddies stuff their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it is their world and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can make you feel like nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are a few ways to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Each and every day, it is important to discover and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of java you loved this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, maybe you had a really great talk with your mom, or perhaps you looked up in the sky and it seemed really very pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much in their mind occasionally ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–that call you obtained from the attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you believed, or putting in your favorite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he is it is only temporary), try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT today? What are you thankful for? I guarantee there are countless things such as this. Let’s see them and love them.
Approximately six months ago, I began a ritual that I believe has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my afternoon focusing on the advantages, instead of the pressures that will come as the day continues.
It is funny.
“Life moves pretty quickly. If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the end of the film. In fact, that entire movie is about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you.
In closing, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I know you can’t get through a day without yelling. I know you’re resentful and considering the past and about how all of your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces require several months to a couple decades. The choice is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Oh, and she’s divorced.