Something occurred to me a couple of days ago that really made me consider the significance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant during your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and peaceful. However, when 7am came about, it was time to start making lunches, getting the children ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It is kind of like the gun goes off at that time and the race begins.
After I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop off a check to somebody there–figured I’d get that job off my list. While practically running to the exercise area where my buddy was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 girls who were going to begin a fitness course.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land onto a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking when I wanted them to phone an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I’m a little shaky still, however all in all, I have to thank God that it was not worse. He was truly looking out for me, and I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me realize just how in a hurry I’m every minute of every day. Like so many women I know, we are all attempting to handle work, children, our house, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the sofa all day? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for its TV binge watching.
I’m in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still very long.
Women and men who are experiencing shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to earn their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to speak with their attorney, hurrying to tell their buddies stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it is their universe and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can consume you. It can make you feel like nothing else is happening–only your broken heart, your kids’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to share are some ways to actually enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Each and every day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments that are meaningful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really nice talk with your mom, or maybe you looked up at the sky and it seemed really really pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes ignore. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–which call you obtained from your attorney, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you thought, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they are quite comfortable, or even how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new connection (which trust me, he is not and if he is it is only temporary), then try focusing on the great. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? What do you have that you love? I guarantee you will find countless items such as this. Let’s see them and love them.
About six months back, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my day focusing on the positives, rather than the pressures that will come as the day continues.
It is funny. Last night, my daughter was watching the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” says Matthew Broderick at the beginning and at the conclusion of the movie. Actually, that whole movie is all about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer you. I would highly recommend this film to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I understand your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can’t get through a day without crying. But typical divorces take several months to a few decades. Do you want to spend that time living your divorce or living your life? The option is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.