Something happened to me a couple of days ago that actually made me think about the importance of living. While I say living, I mean capturing, loving and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like we all do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is especially significant during your divorce.
Here’s what occurred to me. It is kind of like the rifle goes off in that time and the race starts.
After I dropped off the children at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. I also decided to drop off a check to someone there–figured I would get that job off my list. While practically running to the workout room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 girls who were going to begin a fitness class.
I go flying in the air and land on a tough, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I looked up, I had been surrounded by a group of girls asking if I needed them to call an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I am a bit shaky still, but all in all, I have to thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly searching for me personally, and I think giving me a warning to slow the heck down!
The whole experience made me understand just how in a hurry I’m every minute of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all attempting to handle work, children, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or films while lying on the sofa all day? When was the final weeklong holiday I took? Likely over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so quickly, and the bucket list is still quite long.
I find that hurrying through life occurs when folks are going through a divorce, too. Women and men that are having shock and bitterness and anger and resentment tend to earn their divorce their entire world. They are hurrying to talk to their attorney, rushing to tell their friends things their ex did, rushing to look at lawyer motions and judgements and mails and charges. Rushing because it’s their world and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your entire life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–just your broken heart, your children’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are a few ways to actually enjoy life. My advice extends to people like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your child’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of java you enjoyed this morning, possibly a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a really great talk with your mom, or maybe you looked up at the sky and it seemed really very pretty. These are all gifts that people who have so much in their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop ignoring them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what exactly went wrong–which call you got from the attorney, or finding out you owe a whole lot more on your credit card than you thought, or putting in your favorite pair of jeans and they’re really comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it’s only temporary), consider focusing on the great. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I guarantee there are millions of things like this. Let’s see them and love them.
About six months ago, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, until I get out of bed, I talk to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my day focusing on the advantages, instead of the stresses that will come as the day continues.
It’s funny. Last night, my daughter was seeing the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the conclusion of the movie. Actually, that whole movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you. I would strongly recommend this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I know your divorce is dreadful. I understand you can not get through a day without crying. But average divorces take several months to a couple decades. The choice is yours. Think it over and try to not trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Oh, and she’s divorced.