Something occurred to me a few days back that really made me consider the significance of living. While I say living, I mean shooting, loving and appreciating moments versus hurrying through life like most of us do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this concept is particularly important throughout your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me personally. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, somewhat relaxed and calm. It’s sort of like the rifle goes off in the time and the race begins.
After I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. Additionally, I made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I’d get that job off my list. While practically running to the workout area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were about to start a fitness class.
I go flying in the air and land on a hard, gym floor in my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking when I needed them to call an ambulance!
My knees are badly bruised, my entire body aches a bit and I am a bit shaky still, however all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly searching for me personally, and I think giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me realize just how in a hurry I’m every minute of each day. Like so many women I know, we are all trying to handle work, children, our home, errands, a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time that I read a book in the bathtub? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I am in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. However, time is going by so fast, and the bucket list is still quite long.
I find that hurrying through life happens when folks are going through a divorce, too. Men and women that are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to make their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to speak with their attorney, hurrying to tell their friends stuff their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and mails and fees. Rushing because it’s their world and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is going on–only your broken heart, your children’ pain along with your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I wish to share are some strategies to actually enjoy life. My advice goes to people like me, and also individuals going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments which are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your child’s laugh, maybe it’s that yummy cup of coffee you enjoyed this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, perhaps you had a really nice talk with your mom, or maybe you looked up in the sky and it looked really really pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much in their mind sometimes dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what just went wrong–which call you got from the lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever believed, or putting on your favourite pair of jeans and they’re quite comfortable, or perhaps how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he is it’s only temporary), then consider focusing on the great. What went RIGHT now? What are you thankful for? I promise you will find millions of items like this. Let’s see them and love them.
About six months ago, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Every morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I speak to God about the things I am thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my afternoon focusing on the positives, instead of the pressures that will come as the afternoon goes on.
It’s funny. Last night, my daughter was seeing the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick at the beginning and at the end of the movie. Actually, that entire movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer.
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I understand you can’t get through a day without yelling. I understand you are resentful and considering the past and about how all your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But average divorces require a few months to a few years. Would you want to invest that time living your divorce or living your life? The option is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the founder of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. The writer of her books, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and dating column, Love Essentially, printed in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. Pilossoph resides with her family in Chicago. Oh, and she is divorced.