Something happened to me a couple of days ago that actually made me think about the significance of living. While I say alive, I mean capturing, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus hurrying through life like we all do. I am Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is especially important during your divorce.
Here’s what happened to me. But, when 7am came around, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the kids ready for school, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It is kind of like the gun goes off at that time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the children at their colleges, I headed into the gym to squeeze in a fast workout. I also decided to drop a check off to someone there–figured I’d get that job off my list. While practically running to the exercise area where my friend was, I ended up tripping over someone’s hand weights and falling in front of approximately 40 women who were going to begin a fitness class.
I go flying in the atmosphere and land on a hard, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the floor) was so loud that when I appeared, I had been surrounded by a group of women asking when I needed them to call an ambulance!
My knees are seriously bruised, my entire body aches somewhat and I’m a bit shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it was not worse. He was really looking out for me, and that I think giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The whole experience made me realize just how in a hurry I’m every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all attempting to handle work, children, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, working out, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we’ve got some free time to do something for ourselves. That is a big maybe.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the bathtub? When was the last weeklong vacation I took? Likely more than a decade and a half–except for the TV binge viewing.
I’m in no manner feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still very long.
Women and men who are having shock and anger and bitterness and resentment have a tendency to make their divorce their entire world. They are hurrying to speak with their lawyer, hurrying to inform their buddies stuff their ex did, rushing to look at attorney motions and judgements and emails and charges. Rushing because it is their world and it is their top priority. I am not judging. Trust me. I did it.
A divorce could become your entire life. It can make you feel as nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your children’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That is the mindset.
So what I want to talk about are some ways to really enjoy life. My advice extends to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. This is.
Every single day, it’s important to find and acknowledge moments that are purposeful. Perhaps it’s your kid’s laugh, perhaps it’s that yummy cup of java you loved this morning, maybe a cute man noticed you, perhaps you had a really nice talk with your mother, or perhaps you appeared at the sky and it looked really very pretty. These are all gifts that individuals who have so much on their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Rather than focusing on what exactly went wrong–that call you obtained from your lawyer, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you thought, or putting in your favorite pair of jeans and they are really comfortable, or even how pissed you are that your ex is already blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he is it’s only temporary), then consider focusing on the great. What went RIGHT today? What are you thankful for? I promise you will find countless items such as this. Let’s see them and love them.
Approximately six months ago, I began a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning once I wake up, before I get out of bed, I speak to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It’s a way to begin my day focusing on the advantages, rather than the pressures that will come as the day goes on.
It is funny.
If you do not stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” says Matthew Broderick in the beginning and at the conclusion of the movie. In fact, that entire movie is all about enjoying the small pleasures that life has to offer. I would strongly suggest this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can not get through a day without crying. I know you’re resentful and thinking about the past and about how all of your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But average divorces require several months to a couple decades. The choice is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anybody’s hand weights!
Jackie Pilossoph is the creator of her website, Divorced Girl Smiling. Oh, and she’s divorced.