Something happened to me a couple of days back that really made me consider the significance of living. When I say alive, I mean shooting, enjoying and enjoying minutes versus rushing through life like most of us do. I mean Slow Down. Big. Time. And, this idea is particularly important during your divorce.
Here is what happened to me. I began my day around 5:30am, drinking coffee and working, slightly relaxed and peaceful. But, when 7am came about, it was time to get started making lunches, getting the children ready for college, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.. It is kind of like the rifle goes off in that time and the race begins.
Once I dropped off the kids at their schools, I headed to the gym to squeeze in a quick workout. I also made a decision to drop a check off to somebody there–figured I would get that task off my list. While practically running to the workout room where my friend was, I ended up tripping over a person’s hand weights and falling in front of about 40 girls who were going to start a fitness class. Embarrassing as hell, but this has been the least of my concerns.
I go flying into the atmosphere and land onto a tough, gym floor on my knees. The fall (particularly my knees hitting the ground) was so loud that when I appeared, I was surrounded by a group of girls asking if I wanted them to call an ambulance!
By some miracle, I felt OK. My knees are badly bruised, my body aches a bit and I am a little shaky still, but all in all, I must thank God that it wasn’t worse. He was truly looking out for me personally, and that I think giving me a warning to slow down the hell!
The entire experience made me realize how in a hurry I am every minute of each day. Like so many girls I know, we are all trying to handle work, kids, our home, errands, and a social life, relationships, exercising, etc.. And then maybe, just maybe we might have some free time to get something for ourselves.
I asked myself, when was the last time I read a book in the tub? When was the last time I binge watched TV or movies while lying on the sofa all day? When was the final weeklong vacation I took? Probably over a decade and a half–except for the TV binge watching.
I am in no way feeling sorry for myself. I have a GREAT life. But time is going by so quickly, and the bucket listing is still very long.
Men and women who are experiencing shock and anger and bitterness and resentment tend to earn their divorce their whole world. They are hurrying to speak with their attorney, rushing to tell their buddies things their ex did, hurrying to look at attorney motions and judgements and mails and charges. Rushing because it is their universe and it’s their top priority. I’m not judging. Trust me.
A divorce can become your whole life. It can consume you. It can cause you to feel as nothing else is happening–just your broken heart, your kids’ pain and your asshole ex who just ruined your life. That’s the mindset.
So what I wish to talk about are a few strategies to really enjoy life. My advice goes to folks like me, and also people going through a divorce. Here it is.
Each and every day, it is important to find and acknowledge moments that are meaningful. Maybe it’s your kid’s laugh, maybe it’s that delicious cup of coffee you loved this morning, maybe a cute guy noticed you, perhaps you had a very great talk with your mother, or perhaps you appeared in the sky and it looked really very pretty. All of these are gifts that people who have so much on their mind occasionally dismiss. Slow down and stop dismissing them! Pay attention.
Instead of focusing on what just went wrong–which call you got from your attorney, or finding out you owe a lot more in your credit card than you ever believed, or putting in your favorite pair of jeans and they’re really snug, or perhaps how pissed you’re that your ex is currently blissfully happy in his new relationship (which trust me, he is not and if he’s it is only temporary), then try focusing on the good. What went RIGHT now? What are you grateful for? I promise there are millions of items such as this. Let yourself see them and love them.
About six months ago, I started a ritual that I think has helped me tremendously. Each morning when I wake up, until I get out of bed, I speak to God about what I’m thankful for. I do it every single day. It is a way to begin my afternoon focusing on the advantages, instead of the pressures that will come as the afternoon goes on.
It’s funny. Last night, my daughter was seeing the film, “Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.”
If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it,” states Matthew Broderick in the start and at the end of the film. Actually, that whole movie is all about enjoying the little pleasures that life has to offer you. I would strongly recommend this movie to anyone going through a divorce!
In closing, I understand your divorce is horrible. I know you can’t get through a day without yelling. I understand you are resentful and thinking about the past and about how all your ex needs to do is screw you financially. But typical divorces require a few months to a few decades. The option is yours. Think it over and try not to trip on anyone’s hand weights!
Oh, and she is divorced.